The 8th GOP debate for the 2016 Presidential race turned into a primetime Turing test whereby Marco Rubio failed to fool the vast majority of viewers that he is in fact a human being — not a machine or an idiot storyteller. After repeating the same line over and over and over again, “Let’s dispel once and for all with this fiction that Barack Obama doesn’t know what he’s doing. He knows exactly what he’s doing,” Rubio left the impression that he was either (1) a malfunctioning robot, (2) a mutant teenage political parrot dressed up in a man suit, or (3) a shallow, paper-thin politician ready to repeatedly use a banal non-sequitur in defense of his inexperience while really signifying nothing of substance.


“Only the shallow know themselves,” Wilde tells us, and Marco Rubio’s propaganda in repetition revealed a shallow man returning to his rain-puddle depths of knowledge. Rubio certainly knows himself. He knows he lacks the ability to improvise, that he must rely on the conditioning of his trainers like a domesticated circus animal, but the more he repeated his line, the more we began to see the puppeteers pulling the strings behind Mr. Rubio’s curtain.

Despite weeks of generous coverage from the media and months of praise as an aspirational Regeanesque orator, Rubio’s meltdown smacked less of the Gettysburg’s address or “Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this wall!” and more of a pubescent school boy making excuses not to come to the front of the class because of an untimely arousal. Luckily for Rubio, he was behind a podium, but the Florida Senator still managed to unintentionally erect a caricature of himself. What is this impression? Words such as stupid, vacuous, witless, vapid, and facile come to mind.

But this was only on the debate stage.

Returning to ABC on Sunday morning, Marco Rubio defended himself for repeating the same line on the debate stage by repeating the same line three more times:

STEPHANOPOULOS: But even after Chris Christie called you out for what he called canned speeches, 25-second canned speeches, you repeated again, he says, there you go again. That was not a good moment for you, was it?

RUBIO: It’s what I believe. And it’s what I’m going to continue to say because it happens to be one of the main reasons why I am running. I — this is the greatest country in the history of mankind because of a certain set of principles. Barack Obama wants us to abandon those principles that he has spent seven years putting in place policies that rip them from us: undermining the Constitution, undermining free enterprise, undermining our standing in the world, weakening America, apologizing for us on the global stage. The reason why I’m running is if we elect someone like that for the next four years, I think it may be too late for American to turn around.

Marco may I suggest you cite Shakespeare from now on before each of your public appearances:

To-morrow, and to-morrow, and to-morrow,
Creeps in this petty pace from day to day,
To the last syllable of recorded time;
And all our yesterdays have lighted fools
The way to dusty death. Out, out, brief candle!
Life’s but a walking shadow, a poor player
That struts and frets his hour upon the stage
And then is heard no more. It is a tale
Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury
Signifying nothing